Posting something that I wrote right before I turned 25, two weeks ago.
Birthdays have always excited me. And this year, as I'm about to hit that milestone 25, I'm going to take a moment to see how far I have come from my last birthday.
I have had moments of major despair last year. Decided to quit a job I had just taken up even though it was a risk, because I couldn't see myself being the person I was becoming - a person who doubts her capabilities, who is affected by another person's inability to be nice to people and who wakes up on a Sunday morning and instead of enjoying the day off worries about what would happen the next day at work.
For the longest time, I couldn't handle heartbreak because the person who supposedly liked me said that I was too much – I felt too much, I did too much. I have cried a whole night because the person, co-incidentally wearing a shirt similar to mine, said it takes more than matching shirts to be together, which put me in a spot where I questioned what I could have done to "be together". So, I let the self-deprecating version of myself take over the real me.
And I let those insecurities grow to a point that I doubted my best friends who only had my best thoughts in their mind – for how can someone really like me, for me?
Until there came that day when I realised that there are many who like me, for me and I had just been giving importance to instances that didn’t matter anymore.
Until there came that day when I realised that I’m more than my insecurities.
So, after a long time I know who I am.
I am the person who wants to be cheerful all the time, I am the person who likes giving, I am the person who would want you to choose the restaurant we have to go to, simply because seeing the joy on your face eating your stupid Chicken 65 or “meals” that I could have made for you, is much more valuable to me, I am the person who’ll go out of her way for you because you mean so much to me, but expect nothing in return, I am the person who’ll get angry too soon and will break into tears because while I get angry, I hate fighting, I am the person who trusts easily, I am the person who wants to love, and be loved in return.
I’ll love this version of myself, I hope you do too.
So, here’s to turning 25 and wiser, but being myself forever.
