I have been talking, writing, reading about love for a long time now. Described it as an emotion that I have lost, a feeling that I'm longing to have and a sin I don't want to commit. And while I'm hopping around with a particular kind of feeling towards the concept of love every other day, what amazes me is how each finds its best interest in me. How despite being disappointed in love, you fall back in that mess of confused feelings and yet move on merely because of the fact that you have to.
A recent episode made me wonder, how attraction is opposed to love. When you face rejection even though it's just an attraction, it kills you from inside because you thought about the prospect of a 'love' with the person. It might seem irrational, stupid yet you can't control it. You are not ready to commit yet you are hoping for a commitment because the thought of love knocking your door again anytime soon seems like a difficult plan. You try to be practical, straightforward and make sure that you don't make a fool out of yourself, but that's only what you try. The reality however lies in a lot of "Shit, I can't believe I just did that"
So why then do we allow that attraction to grow into love? To linger on for long enough to make us want more with each passing?
Because we feel it's our shot at love, it's our chance of having our fairytale. And even though we maybe disappointed, we need to take a leap of faith. Do those stupid things because you don't have anything to lose. And if you do lose it, like they say, probably it never was yours.
If you are worrying about being confused, don't. Because you will always be. For I am too. Like a dear friend whom I accuse of never giving me advice told me, "I still told him because it was important for me. Even when I knew that he didn't feel the same way. I don't think it makes me any less of a person." Or like the other friend who always says the right thing told me, "But also ask yourself, is it worth it?" And then came the other one who has understood me always told me, "We will always be asking questions." And I quote her blog here, "But "what ifs" are sometimes better than a complete "no"."
Now, I'll tell you my version. Maybe not today, but the day I feel that this attraction is love I will not be scared to go ahead with it. Right now, I'll settle with the what if.
And to my dear friends, I'll be fine soon, for this too shall pass.
