Randomness

It’s been more than a week that I have been meaning to write. Write about what was happening in my life. I was so preoccupied with the thoughts that I didn’t want to let go off and the presumption that things would change. But the truth is, everytime I would sit down write, things would actually change but only in an unexpected manner that pulled me back into this pool of confusion.

A random meeting, followed by a few others and then many drunken nights with a completely new bunch of friends, that’s how the past two weeks of my life can be described as. I shocked a few by my decisions and sometimes even myself, but it felt right.*I feel so right doing the wrong thing*

So yes. It has been a strange time where I found myself excited at the silliest of reasons, disappointed with an even sillier thing and then rising right back up dismissing all of them. It got me a lot of “You should be careful” and “Don’t get drunk” from Miss P, “Just doesn’t feel right” from Miss Paul and “I’m telling you out of experience” from Miss D. And these three being the ones I depend on without giving a second thought, I tried to defend my stance even though I knew I was doing the wrong thing. It involved a lot of “conference room” meetings to discuss the latest updates, a lot of phone calls and texts but what amazed me was my decision to go ahead with it anyway.

Why so?

Because it just felt so liberating. Because somewhere in the stupidity, I remembered my old times. Because sometimes in those drunken nights, I just let myself be.

I remember telling Miss Paul one day, that I want to let go of the things that are holding me back and just do something that I have never done before. And that was the day, I met A. Now, before you start thinking, no, it wasn’t something magical or love kinds. But in more ways than not, the whole episode was flattering. It had been really long since someone told me I looked pretty and took out time to talk to me. Considering the complexities of my past relationships which had made me believe that it never happens, A put me in the most awkward of places yet made me like it. I don’t know him or his friends even though I have spent quite a lot of time with them but I took a leap of faith.

And even though, I know it means nothing and I know that it’s just one of those things that happen these days, this random meeting with A and his friends, has put a smile on my face and until it lasts, I want to just let go of things that have me cramped emotionally and take the plunge of randomness.