Is it weird that sometimes even when things are going perfect, when you are with your best of friends and things couldn't get better, you feel that sense of emptiness. That feeling of not knowing where you belong to.
It struck me when you told me, "You should spend more time with yourself."
All of these years, I have found myself as the friend who has always been there, the colleague who is ready to take up more work or the family member, who away from home has time to listen to every minute detail of a problem. Don't get me wrong. In all of these circumstances, I have volunteered to be "that person who's always there", but over the course of time, it feels I didn't have the time to know myself more.
Like when you asked me about my interests. I didn't know. I played it cool by saying that I'm into everything but the truth is I haven't done anything yet purely because of the reason that it interests me. It's always been to accompany a friend or just a random outing.
Or even when Miss Paul was ready with her college applications and she turned to ask me about mine and I had no clue about what I wanted to do. I had always wanted to do journalism and now, two years of being in the field and having so many experiences, I don't know what's the road ahead for me. I'm content with my job right now but at the same time, the urge to do something more eats into my everyday schedule.
It's late. But it's time I look out for myself, spend time with myself to know what I want to do. A getaway all by myself, a course that I join alone, a morning walk every morning... so many options and I realise them now. Maybe sometimes, it's not bad to be lonely, to embrace that feeling of being alone but only to be content where you are.
You are never too late. It's always a start. Time to turn the dreams into reality. Feel the rush. You knew yiu had it, so go ahead and do it.
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