The long drive

Sam hopped onto the back of the jeep and as they rode through the tunnel, Charlie said “And I swear in that moment we were infinite.” Ever since I had read The Perks of being a Wallflower, this stayed with me. They all had something to worry about, something bothering them but in the company of friends and a long drive back home, it was all forgotten.

In an inebriated condition, my friend and I decided to go for a long drive. Much like Sam, Patrick and Charlie, we too had a lot going on or so we thought. Small issues that we were assuming to be life threatening, petty worries that seemed to never leave our side and a constant doubt about getting what we need. I was hesitant at first. After a night of cribbing and worrying about every possible thing, hitting the bed seemed to be the perfect option. But then the possibility of wandering into the unknown scared yet intrigued me and so we were off.

We were silent at first and then slowly, pouring out the thoughts in our minds we tried to form words around them. As the roads grew darker and the music grew louder, we sank back into our seats and just let it all in. We spoke in broken sentences yet we didn’t have to explain what we wanted to say.

As I stood up the sunroof, I understood what Charlie had meant. The loud music seemed faint as the wind brushed along my face and right then, I lived for that moment. For no worry, no pain could stand next to the feeling of being liberated and just being out there. When I sat back down, the both of us laughed as the songs changed from the mellow tracks to the Bollywood numbers.

And in that moment, we were infinite. I didn’t care about anything for I was in the company of a friend who understood, who would stand up for me yet let me be when I want to.

Once I reached home, the following made even more sense. And this is also to my dear friend, who has the same going on in his head.

“It’s much easier to not know things sometimes. Things change and friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people. You can’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can’t. You have to do things. I’m going to do what I want to do. I’m going to be who I really am. And I’m going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. I don’t know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It’s just different. Maybe it’s good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it’s okay to feel things. I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite. I feel infinite.”