Lessons from Love

When the first one arrived, he made me wonder wide-eyed about love.

When he left, he took away my innocent ideas of love with him. 

When the second one came knocking at my door, he told me friendship is the purest form of love. 

When he walked away, he took my friend with him. 

When the third guy rushed in, he promised the ride of a lifetime. 

When he swirled away, he took my adventure with him.

When the fourth guy stumbled upon me, he showed me how love can be effortless. 

When he got up to leave, he took my love with him, leaving behind a broken heart. 

But. 

But when you arrived, you brought a breath of fresh air, you changed my notions, you told me I could love again. 

And when you left, you took away my will to try again. 

On turning 25 and wise

Posting something that I wrote right before I turned 25, two weeks ago. 

Birthdays have always excited me. And this year, as I'm about to hit that milestone 25, I'm going to take a moment to see how far I have come from my last birthday. 

I have had moments of major despair last year. Decided to quit a job I had just taken up even though it was a risk, because I couldn't see myself being the person I was becoming - a person who doubts her capabilities, who is affected by another person's inability to be nice to people and who wakes up on a Sunday morning and instead of enjoying the day off worries about what would happen the next day at work. 

For the longest time, I couldn't handle heartbreak because the person who supposedly liked me said that I was too much – I felt too much, I did too much. I have cried a whole night because the person, co-incidentally wearing a shirt similar to mine, said it takes more than matching shirts to be together, which put me in a spot where I questioned what I could have done to "be together". So, I let the self-deprecating version of myself take over the real me.

And I let those insecurities grow to a point that I doubted my best friends who only had my best thoughts in their mind – for how can someone really like me, for me?

Until there came that day when I realised that there are many who like me, for me and I had just been giving importance to instances that didn’t matter anymore.

Until there came that day when I realised that I’m more than my insecurities.

So, after a long time I know who I am.

I am the person who wants to be cheerful all the time, I am the person who likes giving, I am the person who would want you to choose the restaurant we have to go to, simply because seeing the joy on your face eating your stupid Chicken 65 or “meals” that I could have made for you, is much more valuable to me, I am the person who’ll go out of her way for you because you mean so much to me, but expect nothing in return, I am the person who’ll get angry too soon and will break into tears because while I get angry, I hate fighting, I am the person who trusts easily, I am the person who wants to love, and be loved in return.

I’ll love this version of myself, I hope you do too.

So, here’s to turning 25 and wiser, but being myself forever.

One last time

Artwork by Puuung

I'm gathering the memories I have of you and me,

The song you sang for me, that one blurred photo from our first date, the time you got me a tissue because I had a cold, the dinner where you refused to let go of my hand, the messages you sent that would always make me smile, the rides around the city, the time we drank and danced in the corner of the bar, the night you kissed me under the stars, the morning I woke up next to you, the evenings I spent with you, my every day with you... 

One last time, I'm gathering the memories I have of you and me, and putting them away in a box, so that they don't haunt me every day. 

Talk

Image via pixabay

I want to talk to you.

About the moon shining so bright,

about the scary noise outside my window,

about the new song I can’t stop singing,

about that unsettling feeling in my heart,

about that fear you’ve been hiding,

about that worry that keeps you awake,

about nothing,

about everything.

I know you’re not ready.

But I want to talk to you,

So I’ll pull up a chair next to mine and wait till you want to talk too.

Dreams and wishes

I have dreamt about flying the high skies, 
I have wished to travel the world. 

I have dreamt about meeting new people and weaving new stories. 
I have wished to experience the unknown and live a life that others have wished for. 

Until I met you.

Now, of all my wishes and dreams, you are the one I hope comes true.

Moments

Moments

You will find them lurking in a corner, hiding, waiting to catch you by surprise.

You’ll find them in a smile or a glance,

in a familiar scent in the air or a hand that helps you cross the road,

in a friend’s laugh, a lover’s touch,

in an unintentional braze, in a passionate kiss.

Moments

When you find them, these little moments, tucked away only to pop up in different phases of your life,

You stay. You wonder where it had been all along but you give up, because you are living in the moment,

You want forevers, you want promises, you want a life made out of all these moments carefully strung together.

You close your eyes and in an instant, live all of your dreams.

But that’s the thing about them.

They are moments. Open your eyes and they are gone.

Little do you know

Little do you know of the words that have been left unsaid

Our song plays in the background and I find you looking at me.

In that moment, we relive our past, but the song fades away and so does your gaze.

Little do you know that I have been holding on

I see you holding her hand, I fight back the tears.

You ask me if I’m alright, I say I’m fine as I have always been.

Little do you know that I want more

You say we are friends, best friends.

I wait for you to see us, the way I do, without any complexities, but just two souls lost in each other.

Little do you know about all the things I have to say to you.

You were a moment in time, but a memory that lasts forever.

We lasted for too short a time, but enough for me to remember you for long.

Little do you know about what I feel for you.

I’m left with a wounded heart but no bandages to cover the bruise

The pain refuses to leave, but I'm tired now.

Little do I know that it’s time to let go.